Family
Constellations According to Bert Hellinger
I.
What are family constellations?
The
German therapist Bert Hellinger developed with the family constellations
a new type of short, intensive therapy. This systematic approach is a further
development of multi-generation family therapy which stands alone in its
own right. Hellinger discovered a host of principles and orders which occur
in the network of relationships and bonds through many generations. These
orders and principles prove themselves through the practical work.
One could
describe a family constellation as a living genogram (family tree), set
up by a particular family member, which includes elements of family sculptures
and psychodramas. Family constellations are ingenious in their form and
theoretical approach and have surprising procedures and effects.
II.
The practical work
The
client makes the most effective use of his constellation in a group. The
client must have a certain clear request to be addressed in the constellation
(e.g., he wants to know the reasons for his depression or feelings of guilt).
First he names the essential facts about his family regarding the past
two to three generations. Then he chooses group members to be representatives
of his parents, siblings, himself, and for other pertinent members of his
family. Representatives are chosen for deceased family members as well.
The client spontaneously, but with concentration, situates the representatives
on an open floor. He gives them a place and a direction to face, and in
this way sets them up relative to each other. After that, the client becomes
an observer.
The therapist
asks the representatives about their feelings and perceptions. After that,
he often proposes either statements for the representatives to repeat,
or new places for them to take. The representatives have a fine sense of
whether or not the statement is accurate, and of whether or not their feelings
have changed when they take a new place. Often, representatives of other
family members are added to the group (as uncles, grandparents, etc.),
and the effect is observed.
A constellation
generally lasts between 15 minutes and one hour, though they sometimes
last shorter or longer. The therapist ends the constellation either when
everyone feels good with the places in which they are, or when an emotionally
explosive situation in the family is uncovered.
III.
The Effect of the therapy
Through
the clear perceptions of the representatives, it becomes clear to the client
-quickly and precisely - from whom in the family feelings have been taken
over. Surprisingly, they are often taken over from long deceased members
of previous generations, who, until now, were hardly known. The client
then recognizes where certain confusing feelings come from, or why relations
in his family have been disturbed.
Connections
which previously had negative effects are brought into the light and often
resolved or changed. By the end, the places in the constellation have been
changed, and a new tension free view of the family exists. The client incorporates
this view into his view of his family, and lets its healing effect unfold.
IV.
Special points about the method
IV.A.
Facts about the family history
Events in
the family over several generations are central. Their effects through
generations are observable. Important facts to know are:
1. Who died
early (younger than approximately 25)?
2. Are there
family members who are guilty of crimes?
3. Have the
parents had previous (love-) relationships?
4. Have some
family members had noteworthy äfates" (become handicapped , emigrated,
had children out of wedlock, been adopted, etc.)?
Unlike those
things listed above, the client"s relationships, likes, and dislikes play
a fairly small role.
IV.B. Orders
and principles
Certain orders
and principles prevail in all families. A working knowledge of these orders
and principles has evolved from Hellinger"s many years of experience with
constellations, and they have been confirmed repeatedly by the work of
other therapists. Though there are many exceptions, these rules and orders
show themselves regularly.
IV.C. The
"knowing field" (A. Mahr)
When the
client situates his representative family, the representatives perceive
the feelings of the family members whom they represent. The representatives
have access to a deeper level of, or a deeper truth about, the family system
- a still-inexplicable phenomenon.
During the
work with constellations, the therapist learns to trust this phenomenon
and lets himself be guided by it. This phenomenon, which also appears in
other types of therapy (psychodramas, family sculptures), has not yet been
given the attention that it deserves.
IV.D. "Ritualized"
statements which come up repeatedly
Because of
this access to a deeper truth, the language used is very clear and simple.
Often the statements have the effect of sounding ritual, e.g., äI
acknowledge your death and fate, when someone has died an early death.
The representative can always sense whether or not such proposed statements
are correct in that moment. Even strong emotions which arise in the representatives
are not cathartically lived out, but rather expressed in words.
V.
Some orders and principles
V.A.
Every member of a family belongs to the family equally.
Every family
has a solid inner bond, regardless of how torn apart it may outwardly appear.
Everyone who belongs to the family deserves attention. If someone is shut
out of the family, he will be represented by a later-born family member
who takes on a similar fate.
V.B. The
early death of a family member has a strong effect on the whole family
system.
The death
of a young person, especially, has a strong effect on the whole family.
Siblings of the deceased display an inclination to die themselves, which
is expressed by the sentence "I will follow you". If someone is burdened
in this way and he later has children, the children sense this burden and
want to relieve the parent of it by taking it on themselves ("Better me
than you"). The inclination to die shows itself through disease or sickness
in the family member, or through dangerous activities or behavior such
as excessive drug-use or engaging in dangerous types of sports.
V.C. Children
are loyal to their parents.
Children
rarely, if ever, dare to lead happier or more fulfilling lives than those
of their father and mother: out of loyalty to their parents, children repeat
the parents mistakes and misfortunes.
V.D. Children
take on feelings from other members of the family.
This occurs
in two ways: either they share strong feelings with a family member (they
help carry these feelings, so to speak), or they take over unexpressed
feelings. For example, a submissive grandmother is physically abused by
her husband. She has a granddaughter who is often angry with her husband
for no apparent reason. In the constellation it is revealed that the granddaughter
carries the grandmother"s anger.
V.E. There
are orders that must be paid attention to.
He who came
first (in the family), be it a partner or a sibling, takes the first place.
The others follow in chronological order. This placement must be paid attention
to without judgement or valuation being put on it. A good basic order with
which everyone feels comfortable results from such placement after existing
negative connections have been resolved. Usually the parents stand facing
the children, with the father in the first position, and the mother standing
clockwise (when pictured from above) to him. The children stand facing
the parents in a clockwise fashion according to age, oldest to youngest.
VI.
The role of the therapist
The
therapist uncovers and seeks a good order or placement in which everyone
feels good. While doing this he uses his knowledge about the orders and
principles which control a family. From the reactions of the representatives,
he knows if he is on the right path. Although the work outwardly seems
leader-centered, its quality is measured by how well the therapist comprehends
and takes into consideration the reactions of the representatives.
Does
the family make us sick?
Order
in love
International
Similarities and Differences in Family Structure and Family Problems
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